Once Upon a Time in Disneyland
by dustkeeper
Summary: Having survived Neverland, the extended Charming family honors Henry's request to celebrate his birthday at Disneyland. Unfortunately, they have to bring their unwilling prisoner along for the ride.
1. Chapter 1

Notes: This is an AU ending to the first half of Season 3: instead of killing Pan/Rumple, they manage to take away his magic permanently and render him harmless enough to keep in the cell. Storybrooke was never destroyed. Instead, life has reached a strange sort of calm for the residents. Some of the characters - specifically Peter Pan - will be slightly out of character, mainly for the purpose of humor and Pan not being a total jerk. Expect plenty of sass, though. In terms of pairing, each of them are canon, though Emma is still caught in the love triangle of Neal and Hook. I'll try to provide equal fluff for both couples, but there's probably not going to be an endgame ship for her. Enjoy!

* * *

Peter sulked as the group stepped into line for the screening tents. Here he was, former ruler of Neverland and feared by even the most powerful of magical beings, reduced to the prisoner of the imbeciles he had failed to defeat. What's worse was that they dragged him into their sickening little family trip to a place that mocked magic and all its potential, a quaint little place they called Disneyland. If this Disney fellow hadn't already been dead, he would have hunted him down and killed him. Oh, he had heard of how that man had twisted his story - his entire being - into some adorable fairytale, and although he never bothered to evaluate it himself, he knew it was the farthest thing from the truth. Henry had told him that in this tale he was some sort of hero, and that they had his imposter running about the odd land they were about to enter. He hoped this pitiful copy was at least entertaining.

The Truest Believer bounced on his feet beside him, as if waiting in this line was the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was the lad's fault he was there in the first place: both his mothers and Peter's son were set to go on this "vacation," so who was to look after Pan? No matter that his magic had been taken from him and that those fairy pests would have been there to supervise him. Both Gold and Regina had magical objects that, should they be left unsupervised by them, Peter could be able to find and use for his schemes. No one involved liked it, but they knew they had to keep him under their noses. Besides, Rumplestiltskin found some solace in the fact that it would be a small torture to his father.

He would just have to find a way to repay him.

"They'd better check you carefully, Rumple," Peter noted with a smirk. "I hope you weren't stupid enough to carry your dagger in your pocket."

"No," the Dark One answered calmly, "only stupid enough not to stab you with it."

"And upset my precious daughter-in-law?" His father raised a brow. "You wouldn't dare. It's amazing how the so-called Dark One has been leashed by a mere girl," he sneered at the brunette at his son's side, "a beauty, but a funny girl."

Belle grabbed Rumple's hand in an effort to calm his building rage. Peter's gloating was interrupted by Henry's smug voice.

"You watched the movie, didn't you?" the boy asked.

The ex-king of Neverland blinked, honestly puzzled, "What?"

"_Beauty and the Beast_," Henry clarified. "You quoted the song."

"I did no such thing," Peter protested.

Rumplestiltskin chuckled, mocking him, "Amazing how the so-called King of Neverland has been leashed by a mere cartoon."

The magical being glared at him, further irritated by Henry's muffled laughter.

Peter had not brought a bag (not like the self-proclaimed "heroes" would ever let him carry something concealed), so with a sarcastically grandiose gesture at his lack of luggage he was free to pass through. He had been tempted to inquire just what a defenseless mortal could hope to accomplish should he have possessed a weapon, but aside from a brief moment of amusement, he knew it would cause more trouble for him in the long run than it'd be worth. He figured simply being at the God-forsaken place was enough pain to look forward to, not to mention his lack of magic.

"Can we go to Disneyland first?" Henry requested, eying the train station in the distance eagerly.

"Sure, kid." Emma slung her inspected backpack over her shoulder and ruffled her son's hair.

"I presumed we already were in Disneyland," Hook remarked with a frown, "unless we should be required to be inspected by amateur sentry once more."

Peter assumed the pirate was sore because he hadn't been allowed to bring his hook with him - this pleased him.

"We are, but there's two theme parks," the youngest of the group explained, "Disneyland theme park and Disney California Adventure. The second park was added in 2001." He had been reading up on his Disneyland trivia the entire flight over.

"Are we actually going to go in, or did we come all this way for a history lesson?" Pan interrupted, bored.

Regina scowled, jumping to her son's defense, "I say we leave him strapped to the It's a Small World clock tower."

"As satisfying as that sounds," Prince Charming spoke up, "there's no way we can leave him unsupervised. He may not have magic, but he's still dangerous."

"I'm flattered," said teen drawled cockily.

"Whatever, let's just go inside," Emma hurried them along, leading them toward the shortest queue. "There's a churro calling my name."

They had their tickets printed out before they'd arrived; Mr. Gold insisted on carrying them, as he had been the one who'd bought them. He offered their papers to the cast member taking tickets with a polite smile.

She beamed at him before scanning them one at a time. "Hello, Prince Charming! How are you doing today?"

Henry coughed to hide a chuckle, but Peter had no qualms about his scoff being heard. Even Regina smiled her amusement.

"Fine, dearie," Rumple ignored the laughter behind him.

The cast member, a young woman in her twenties, pressed on despite his curt reply, "Are we celebrating anything special today?"

"A birthday!" Snow piped up, nearly as enthusiastic as her grandson as she pointed at him, "Henry."

Much to said boy's delight, the park greeter fished out a light blue birthday button and wrote his name on it in big, black letters. "Happy birthday, Henry!" she chirped, handing it to him.

"Thanks!" Henry pinned it to his shirt.

"Cool." Neal placed a hand on his son's shoulder, pleased to see his son smiling and, much more, to be sharing his happiness alongside him.

The cast member rattled on instructions before she would hand them their new wallet-sized tickets (get a handstamp if you leave, don't throw away your ticket, yadda yadda). Peter wasn't listening, peering above Hook's shoulders to appreciate the steaming locomotive arriving at the train station above the colorful arrangement of flowers. They didn't have anything quite like that in Neverland, he admitted to himself, reluctantly impressed. He wouldn't voice it, but he was growing rather intrigued by this place.

He followed the others through the turnstile, his green eyes drawn to a family of four entering a few feet away. There were two little girls that couldn't be older than five dressed in glittery gowns. Normally, he would have been disgusted - the Lost Boys, himself included, would never be interested in that fancy dress-up game - but the happiness that emitted from their faces was almost tangible, like some kind of magical force. It reminded him of the childlike belief that had sustained the island for centuries. Surprisingly, the parents of the children looked just as giddy.

"Disneyland is a lot like Neverland," Henry stated suddenly, as if reading his thoughts. "It brings out the kid in you. This whole place runs on belief."

A smile tugged at the older boy's lips despite himself, but Baelfire cut in before he could respond.

"Where to first, kid?" The father handed a guide map to his son.

"Definitely Space Mountain!" he determined.

Peter raised a brow; how did they expect to get into space here? Much more on a mountain in space...

"Well, have fun," Rumplestiltskin told his grandson, Belle at his arm.

"You're not coming?" Henry inferred, deflated.

"Considering how much trouble you all get into in Storybrooke, this is likely as much of a honeymoon as Belle and I are ever going to get," he explained.

"So you're just going to leave us here with him?" Regina summarized. "He's your father!"

"You have my cell if you need anything," Gold reminded her, chipper.

"You sneaky-"

"Let him go. He's right," Emma cut Regina's insult short. "They've earned it."

Belle smiled gratefully at the "savior." "Thank you, Emma."

The couple strolled off. Hook inquired, "So, what exactly is this Space Mountain you spoke of?"

"It's awesome!" Henry described it as they walked through a tunnel under the train tracks, "It's a roller coaster in the dark, but it looks like you're flying through space!"

"And there's a... mountain?" Mary Margaret added dubiously. She had heard of Disneyland in Storybrooke, but never many specifics about its contents.

Peter stopped listening as a poster on the wall grabbed his attention: "Peter Pan's Flight." The sign had a painting of a flying pirate ship covered in pixie dust. "Cute," he noted dryly.

"You have no idea," Neal muttered to him.

They passed through the tunnel and ended up in a town seeming even more out of time than Storybrooke. Cheery music surrounded them, along with a the delicious smell of a food Peter couldn't identify. Even with all the wondrous places they'd been to, each of them studied their surroundings with awe.

As impressive as the fake city was, it was nothing in comparison to the fake castle they saw at the end of the street: Sleeping Beauty Castle.

Snow White's heart clenched with nostalgia as she breathed out, "It's just like home."

Charming shrugged. "A bit smaller."

His wife rolled her eyes with a smile, nudging him with her shoulder.

For a Land Without Magic, this place was pretty familiar.


	2. Chapter 2

Notes: Thanks for those who have reviewed, followed, and favorite-d! For the Rumbelle fans out there: don't worry, they're going to show up soon! I wanted to give them their own fluffy chapter, and I'm still working out the details. Also, I tried to have both Captain Swan and Swanfire in here. Hope everyone's okay with the amount. If for some reason you haven't seen the Star Wars movies, there are minor spoilers at the end. Thanks for reading!

* * *

The sign in front of the queue read "45 minutes."

"This... ride, is forty-five minutes long?" Charming read, incredulous.

"Nope. That's how long it takes to get into the ride," Emma clarified.

"And just how long is the thing itself?" Peter demanded quizzically. He didn't want to spend an hour of his already dreary existence stuck on some boring mountain expedition.

"About four, five minutes?" the blonde answered, seemingly unbothered.

"Seems like a fair trade," Peter remarked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Those three centuries of waiting to kill my son look like nothing now, don't they?" Regina growled. She wasn't about to put up with the boy's whining.

"Not as lengthy as those eleven years it took to poison him, no," was the sharp retort.

"Really? We haven't even been on one ride yet! Could you guys just chill?" Emma pleaded.

"One more word out of his throat and I'll make sure he does." The Queen stormed into the line.

Baelfire wrapped an arm around his son, muttering into his ear, "Don't worry, Henry: if they get kicked out of the park, we don't know them."

"Deal," the brunet mumbled. He was disappointed by all the fighting, but he couldn't say he hadn't been expecting it.

The first half of the queue was unbearable for Peter; there was nothing to do but people watch, and the people around him were ridiculously dull. Regina and Emma coddled their son, asking him about his plans for the day. The Charmings held hands and conversed in soft tones. Surprisingly, Hook and Neal were enjoying a pleasant conversation despite their love rivalry. It went without saying that none of them were interested in saying a word to the villain, and while they weren't the most amiable of companions, he wished they would go ahead and say something to him in order to make the wait more exciting.

They had nearly reached the entrance to the building when the device Pan had come to know as a "phone" was thrust into his line of vision.

"Here," offered Henry's small voice.

He arched a brow. "What do you expect me to do with that?"

"It's a game, see?" he explained, pointing out the commotion on the screen. "It's called Candy Crush: you group these candies together and get points." The boy demonstrated, sliding his finger about the surface of the phone.

Peter was still trying to figure out why he was showing it to him.

"Go ahead, take it," Henry urged him kindly, "so you don't get bored waiting in line."

"A lovely sentiment," Pan conceded, "but what makes you think I won't use your device for more sinister purposes?" He was really asking why he was being so nice to him. If he had any sense of all, he should have been staying as far away from him as possible.

"What are you gonna do? Call 1-800-MAGIC?" the younger boy joked.

Peter was still confused, but seeing no downside to the gift, took the phone from his hand. "Fair enough. All right, I'll play your little game, and I'll beat you at it."

"Yeah, right," Henry scoffed.

Regina and Emma surveyed the interaction like hawks, ready to strike at the slightest movement. Meanwhile, Snow couldn't help but smile at her grandson's act of mercy. Peter Pan had committed unspeakable horrors, but so had Regina - maybe Henry could heal the villain as he had his mother.

The game kept Peter preoccupied the rest of the queue. Henry would offer pointers every so often over his shoulder, much to the teen's annoyance.

"You ran out of time!"

"Peter Pan never runs out of time!"

"Like father, like son," Emma pointed out to Neal quietly.

"Are you referring to our son or my grandfather?" was the bemused reply.

"Either one, really," his ex-lover allotted.

Baelfire chuckled. "So, you gonna sit with Henry?"

"Regina and I agreed to alternate. We flipped a coin - she's going first," she informed him. "Although I'm pretty sure she used magic to cheat."

"Who are you going to sit with until then?" The brunet stuffed his hands in his pockets and shifted his feet nervously. He was trying to appear nonchalant, but he looked like a schoolboy asking a girl on a date.

Emma grinned. "Are you asking me out on a date to Space Mountain?"

"Depends on whether or not you're going to say 'yes,'" he determined cheekily.

Her eyes softened. "Neal, I - "

"I know," he cut her off, "I'm not asking you to decide anything or whatever. I'm not going to give up on you, but it's your choice. Until then, what do you say we start over as friends?"

Emma smiled. "I'd like that," she told him.

"Good. So, Emma Swan, will you accompany me on a platonic ride on Space Mountain?" He held out his elbow.

The blonde linked her arm through his. "I shall."

They walked through the indoor hallway arm-in-arm, Hook following them with a disappointed glint in his eyes.

A moment later, the group finally entered the room with the vehicle station. Henry leaned over the railing, watching guests get on and off the "spaceships." "There it is!"

They divided into groups of two: Emma with Neal as promised, Regina and Henry, the Charming couple, and a disgruntled Killian Jones paired with Peter Pan.

"We got the front!" Henry cheered. His bright mood faltered when he saw his mother's expression. "Are you scared?"

"What? Me? Never," she refuted with a huff.

He squeezed her hand, assuring her, "It's okay to be scared."

She smiled.

The ride was more thrilling than any of them had anticipated: they flew through tiny stars at startling angles and speeds. Even Pan let out a "whoop!" of enjoyment every now and then.

"That was awesome!" Henry claimed as they filed out the vehicle.

Regina shared her son's enthusiasm in a more mellow tone, "It was... unexpectedly enjoyable." She couldn't believe she had been so scared of the ride at all. Maybe these rides were going to be more fun than she thought.

Hook, on the other hand, looked queasy. Emma raised a brow, teasing him, "What? Not as smooth as the Jolly Roger?"

He brushed off her accusation, "No, I just had an unfortunate seating arrangement."

"You? I had to listen to your whimpering the entire time. Pathetic," Pan mocked, having overheard his comment.

Stepping out the exit, the fairytale characters were surprised to find the ride had taken a picture of them. Henry, being one of the few who'd been expecting such a thing, had pulled a goofy face; Regina appeared somewhat shaken, but she wore a small smile on her features. Snow and David had grabbed each other's hands at some point during the ride, both enjoying themselves. Emma and Neal were leaning into each other as much as their seat restraints would allow, laughing. Peter had a large grin on his face, loving the adrenaline rush, but Hook's expression was a failing mask of indifference to hide his discomfort. His eyes were wide and distant, as if he had just witnessed his life flash before them.

Emma and Snow took pictures with their phones, giggling hysterically at the expressions everyone wore in them. Charming chuckled, "You okay there, Captain?"

"I'm fine," the pirate tried to sound indignant, but even he couldn't keep a smirk off his face. "I'm more concerned about our ferocious queen over there." He gestured at Regina's face on the screen, provoking more laughter. Said royal crossed her arms and glared pointedly at him.

Henry, having been appointed the "royal navigator" of the trip, set the course for Star Tours next. The residents of Storybrooke and those who had spent time on Earth elsewhere were familiar with the movies, but Hook and Pan were out of the loop.

" - so Darth Vader throws Emperor Palpatine into the pit and becomes a good guy again." Henry had launched into an intense summary of the events of the original trilogy for Killian, who found himself genuinely intrigued by the plot.

"And then they escape the star and save the planet with the bears, I presume," the pirate finished for the boy.

"Nope. Vader dies," he shut him down almost smugly.

"I beg your pardon? What about Luke?"

"He survives, but Vader's armor's been busted by the Emperor's lightning and he's too sick to go on. He dies with the Death Star while Luke escapes," he explained.

"This is the most feared villain in the story?" Peter suddenly revealed he had been listening. "He would have had a backup plan for his armor, surely. There's no way he could die so simply after all that."

"He was hurt pretty bad!" Henry defended the ending. "Besides, he wanted to die and be free. Anyway, they beat the Dark Side and have a party in Endor. Leia and Han get together, and everyone lives happily ever after. The end."

Pan rolled his eyes. How disappointing. No wonder "good" always thought it would win when the antagonists of their fairytales were defeated so easily.

At least this line was more entertaining than the last one was. The "droids" as Henry had called them moved about as if they were sentient. One animatronic was screening the people walking through and mistook Hook for something called a wookiee.

"I take it these 'wookiees' are rather dashing, then," the pirate guessed, his ego untouched.

"If you're into giant bear monkeys," Emma retorted.

His face fell. "You don't have to try so hard to pretend you're not attracted to me, Swan."

She rolled her eyes, but a blush crept onto her cheeks despite her efforts.

"You're right: she doesn't have to try at all," Neal joked good-naturedly, clamping a hand on his shoulder.

Emma sighed; she had already given up on refereeing them.

* * *

"I can't believe I was the rebel spy!" Henry exclaimed for the third time since departing the ride. The group was browsing the gift shop before they moved on; Regina promised she'd buy him any item in the shop, having made sure she was well off financially when she'd enacted the curse. He'd immediately rushed for the "build your own lightsaber" section.

"I told you heroes run in the family," Charming reminded him as he pieced together his own plastic weapon. He was thinking these would be safer to practice with than actual swords - plus, they made cool sound effects.

"Do you think Star Wars is real, too?" his grandson inquired. "I mean, Frankenstein wasn't a fairytale and Dr. Whale exists. Hey!" His eyes lit up in realization. "What if Mr. Gold is Darth Vader?"

David chortled. "I wouldn't be surprised. He seems to be the real villain in almost every story told around here, except your mother."

This only sparked his imagination further. "Maybe _Mom_ is Darth Vader!"

The prince smirked at his antics; his face fell, however, as he began to see the resemblances. Wait...

"You guys ready?" Emma asked them, Hook at her heels.

"Yeah, sure, we're just - " Charming froze when he saw the pirate. "What are you wearing?"

The man wore a brown pirate captain's hat atop his head, Mickey Mouse ears sticking out the sides. The poor soul had an aura of defeat around him: presumably the mischievous glee radiating from Emma was the one reason he'd agreed to the accessory.

To his credit, he shrugged the hat's goofiness off, "Well, I left my hat on the Jolly Roger, so it's high time I got a new one. Plus, your daughter seems to think it looks rather handsome on me, don't you, love?" He winked in her direction.

She straightened his hat playfully. "I don't think you've ever looked sexier."

"I'm going to pretend I never heard that and buy this lightsaber. I have a feeling it might come in handy someday." The father grimaced as he walked to the cashier.

Meanwhile, Neal and Pan were browsing shirts.

"You know, since you're my grandfather, I guess I need to get you a Father's Day present. How about this one?" Baelfire pointed to a shirt that had Yoda standing under a sign that read, "You must be this tall to ride."

Peter glared at the smug adult. "Funny."


End file.
